Funny 911 Calls

   Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency  
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
   Dispatcher: Do you have an address
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks,
  why
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  Dispatcher: 911 What is your emergency
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
  Dispatcher: Excuse me
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table
and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it
  Dispatcher: Was anything else taken
 Caller: No, but this has happened to me before

  and I'm sick and tired of it

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Dispatcher: 911
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath.
Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
  Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
  Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic
Caller: No
  Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing
Caller: Running from the Police.
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Dispatcher: 911 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

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Dispatcher: 911 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband